Saturday, July 25, 2009
Day 15
Another day that should have been really wonderful. Should be at my old house mate's wedding, celebrating with friends and church. Instead I'm left at home, unwelcome, hidden away, pouring my heart out to God.
Now wondering if Monday was a complete lie.
Doubt now that I was ever really loved.
Feel forgotten by God and feel like an idiot for still feeling love.
Now wondering if Monday was a complete lie.
Doubt now that I was ever really loved.
Feel forgotten by God and feel like an idiot for still feeling love.
Day 14
Friday (first day I've not remembered to do the blog at the end of the day.. I blame the late finish at work). Cereal and photos.. uploaded the ones Em took using my camera. Several made me cry. Em did a brilliant job.. even got evidence of Hope Powell.. applauding me!!!
Decided to do my long run today, so that I was free on Sat to go play with Naomi. Almost changed my mind lots of times.. not terribly hard on the body, but mind struggled to keep pushing.. not distracted enough by the end of Chamber of Secrets. Rewarded myself with the rest of the choc cake when I finally finished my 15km (happy that I didn't cave in and slow down either).
Showered while it showered outside.. managed to go collect the ironing in the dry. Did and bit then was really wiped out, so had proper food and a little sleep. Went to hang out with Em in her second office.. at Starbucks in Borders! I wouldn't get any work done there, but I can see why she likes it. Almost finished editing all the graduation photos.. chatted at bit, and showed Em all the photos.. had a giggle! Rushed back for work.. quickly ate rest of dinner then dashed off. Very kindly offered chinese by Luke's parents.. was yummy. Had a wander to Blockbusters in a gap between showers, then the usual evening of TV.. watching bits of things inbetween Hotel Babylon.. I mostly read whatever papers were lying around. Finished at 11, so thats my excuse for going straight to bed without blogging.
Decided to do my long run today, so that I was free on Sat to go play with Naomi. Almost changed my mind lots of times.. not terribly hard on the body, but mind struggled to keep pushing.. not distracted enough by the end of Chamber of Secrets. Rewarded myself with the rest of the choc cake when I finally finished my 15km (happy that I didn't cave in and slow down either).
Showered while it showered outside.. managed to go collect the ironing in the dry. Did and bit then was really wiped out, so had proper food and a little sleep. Went to hang out with Em in her second office.. at Starbucks in Borders! I wouldn't get any work done there, but I can see why she likes it. Almost finished editing all the graduation photos.. chatted at bit, and showed Em all the photos.. had a giggle! Rushed back for work.. quickly ate rest of dinner then dashed off. Very kindly offered chinese by Luke's parents.. was yummy. Had a wander to Blockbusters in a gap between showers, then the usual evening of TV.. watching bits of things inbetween Hotel Babylon.. I mostly read whatever papers were lying around. Finished at 11, so thats my excuse for going straight to bed without blogging.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Day 13 - Surrounded
Cereal and faffing with photos. Alison's don't really need editing, they're fab. Apart from cropping.. because hers is one of the digital cameras that takes much 'squarer' pictures.. which can result in chopped off heads when you get normal 6x4 prints.
Went for a run.. and followed one of those 'random' instincts to go to the Outwoods today. So very glad I did. Was wonderful to spend some time in the sun with God.
As its the holidays I put the To Do list on hold so I could have second breakfast (choc cake!) outside on the patio in the sun, read a bit of HP. Was chilled. Very glad I did, as it was raining heavily ten mins after I came in. The day went downhill after that.. thought I'd do a quick job on the PC (MP3 editing) and it kind of turned into most of the rest of the day faffing around trying to get a programme on the PC to work again. Felt like a wasted day in the middle.. didn't get any DIY done, didn't achieve much on the PC, didn't put my CD wall thing up, etc etc.
Work this evening.. first a massage client, then quick food then off to Lukes. Was one of those evenings where he stays in and watched TV, but about 6 different things all in little bits. Oh well.
Columns and HP and sleep now. Hope to achieve a bit more tomorrow... the chances of having a day just reading out in the sunshine seem slim to say the least. Pray its nice on Sunday for the bikes...
Went for a run.. and followed one of those 'random' instincts to go to the Outwoods today. So very glad I did. Was wonderful to spend some time in the sun with God.
As its the holidays I put the To Do list on hold so I could have second breakfast (choc cake!) outside on the patio in the sun, read a bit of HP. Was chilled. Very glad I did, as it was raining heavily ten mins after I came in. The day went downhill after that.. thought I'd do a quick job on the PC (MP3 editing) and it kind of turned into most of the rest of the day faffing around trying to get a programme on the PC to work again. Felt like a wasted day in the middle.. didn't get any DIY done, didn't achieve much on the PC, didn't put my CD wall thing up, etc etc.
Work this evening.. first a massage client, then quick food then off to Lukes. Was one of those evenings where he stays in and watched TV, but about 6 different things all in little bits. Oh well.
Columns and HP and sleep now. Hope to achieve a bit more tomorrow... the chances of having a day just reading out in the sunshine seem slim to say the least. Pray its nice on Sunday for the bikes...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Day 12 - LWB Day
Rice Krispies and Grad photo editing (and some competition entering) then run. Did intervals at 12/16kph. Shower and into town for eye test. Found what I was looking for in town.. I have to trust that I got it right. Home.. lay down on bed to think. Food.. fixed bike brakes.. washing.. got photos from Alison's camera. My carrot cake, and Krispie cake did not receive any negative comments from the expert, but then maybe she was being too polite. Bit of skyping then off to town for food in Spoons and Harry Potter with Karen and the Lees. Lufbra was full all night, so dashed over to Nottingham. Was good, but very dark obviously and depressing ending. Lots of the book missing, but they had a lot to get into the film. Prayer and acupressure bands successful at combating motion sickness.. despite being far too close to the screen. Was 11 when got out.. so straight to bed now methinks.
Thing to remember from today is to keep going.. God gave me answers today. In his own special way.
Thing to remember from today is to keep going.. God gave me answers today. In his own special way.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Day 11
Managed to sleep. Luke this morning.. hydro.. lots of texting Em in the car. Very very sad today. Gutted and feel let down by God. Struggling to keep faith. Walked to town to book a sight test and choose frames. Went to Tessa's for the autism course. Didn't manage to do anything cos I was crying to much. Talking about change and control and stuff was just too painful. Cried all the way home. Curled up under my Spidey blanky and cried some more. Slept a bit while watching Order of the Phoenix. Wonder if God was talking to me at the end. Have just been faffing on PC and Mac since. Editing graduation photos. Wishing I could go back to yesterday.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Day 10 - Floppy Hat Day
The fact that my ipod was on low battery alert at 7am tells you how much I slept last night! Felt so sick too. Gave up trying to sleep at half 7 and got showered, then forced some Shreddies down.. nearly threw up the carrot cake. Got changed at half 8 then paced for 20mins till everyone was ready. Cried when Alison got here. After that God helped me to cope. Was trying to bribe Chalkie to drive away.. when Alison convinced me that I really did want to go ... HOPE POWELL was the Honorary Graduand.
Long walk down from the car park, met Em then got robed up. Had a laugh in the queue. My 'supporters' got front row seats.. thanks to Sharon, who normally works Security in Matthew Arnold building. Relieved that I was sitting with people I knew.. follow Lara became my plan! Ceremony mostly just applauding.. after the virtual reality safety announcement.. and several speeches that I can't remember a word of. We were after the Honorary guys.. Hope was ace!!! Our bit kinda caught me by suprise.. didn't have enough time to panic.. up, walk round, up the stairs and go!! When I got back to my seat I did wonder whether I had remember to shake the Chancellor's hand! Was on autopilot I think.. tried to spot Clyde and Jo on stage, but failed. I do remember though being the only person to applaud Hope Powell as I passed her.. I mouthed Well Done.. Luckily it doesn't look that bad on the webcast! (Mon.. 10:30.. 68mins in). Got my certificate from Moira, who I failed to recognise from the one time I played football against her 5 months ago!
Was glad to see Jo as the important stage people all 'processed' out.. gave each other a big thumbs up. Disappointed I couldn't find her outside though. Took me long enough to find the family again! Tried to get some sensible photos suitable for Nan and the piano, got some really lovely silly ones too. Went to the fountain to get some pics, but was raining by then... popped into the Union to get an AV hoody.. Mum says its my last thing from Uni!! Next we went to the flowers on Epinal way for yet more photos, as the sun was out again. Then round to the LU sign.. doing all the cliches! Unfortunately some people had some fun at Grad Ball on the Friday night, and had nicked bits of it. Tried to find Jo in her office but failed, so had one last look around the Victory Hall area for her. Parents ambled back to the car while I returned my robes.. was actually really sad to hand them over in the end.. got quite attached to my bonnet!
Everyone had rumbly tumblys by then so we tried to reach a decison regarding food. Went for the pub in Woodhouse where we could sit outside. Unfortunately they had stopped serving bar food by then and the restaurant was booked out.. lots of people up for some graduation thing at the University they said! Tried another pub up the road, similar story.. then we got lucky at the Pear Tree, who were lovely to us and gave us food even though we were a bit late. Had a nice drink outside in the sun first.. discovering that the bottle of Weston's Organic Cider was in fact 3.3 units worth! Not good at lunchtime with an empty tummy! Wobbled indoors for a yummy pannini that I managed to finish. Think everyone really enjoyed their meal. Home for a cuppa! Mum had planned on Bucks Fizz, but everyone wanted tea! Alison left after a short while (sad) and after an even shorted while everyone else was asleep! So I uploaded Dad and Chalkie's photos. Sorted out my graduation and birthday pressie, when Chalkie was telling me about the place he bought his camera.. printed out details of the lens I would like.. this place in Norwich is sooo much cheaper than flippin Jessops!
Remembered University Challenge just in time (family had just left) but the Sky box had other ideas.. it did its throwing a fit thing on me.. turning itself off. Did a soft reset, and eventually my calmness was rewarded.. I'd only missed the introductions. I did quite well (9 or 10) but LU did better.. they won with over 200! Was so proud to be a Lufbra Grad today!! Its the most I've cared about Uni Challenge.. was worried when we went behind.. shouting come on! each time we got a starter question. Jennings was fab.. could sympathise when it was obvious the answer was in her head somewhere but just wouldn't let itself be found in time.
Food and skype and photos.. then sleep. Luckily more than the previous night.
Long walk down from the car park, met Em then got robed up. Had a laugh in the queue. My 'supporters' got front row seats.. thanks to Sharon, who normally works Security in Matthew Arnold building. Relieved that I was sitting with people I knew.. follow Lara became my plan! Ceremony mostly just applauding.. after the virtual reality safety announcement.. and several speeches that I can't remember a word of. We were after the Honorary guys.. Hope was ace!!! Our bit kinda caught me by suprise.. didn't have enough time to panic.. up, walk round, up the stairs and go!! When I got back to my seat I did wonder whether I had remember to shake the Chancellor's hand! Was on autopilot I think.. tried to spot Clyde and Jo on stage, but failed. I do remember though being the only person to applaud Hope Powell as I passed her.. I mouthed Well Done.. Luckily it doesn't look that bad on the webcast! (Mon.. 10:30.. 68mins in). Got my certificate from Moira, who I failed to recognise from the one time I played football against her 5 months ago!
Was glad to see Jo as the important stage people all 'processed' out.. gave each other a big thumbs up. Disappointed I couldn't find her outside though. Took me long enough to find the family again! Tried to get some sensible photos suitable for Nan and the piano, got some really lovely silly ones too. Went to the fountain to get some pics, but was raining by then... popped into the Union to get an AV hoody.. Mum says its my last thing from Uni!! Next we went to the flowers on Epinal way for yet more photos, as the sun was out again. Then round to the LU sign.. doing all the cliches! Unfortunately some people had some fun at Grad Ball on the Friday night, and had nicked bits of it. Tried to find Jo in her office but failed, so had one last look around the Victory Hall area for her. Parents ambled back to the car while I returned my robes.. was actually really sad to hand them over in the end.. got quite attached to my bonnet!
Everyone had rumbly tumblys by then so we tried to reach a decison regarding food. Went for the pub in Woodhouse where we could sit outside. Unfortunately they had stopped serving bar food by then and the restaurant was booked out.. lots of people up for some graduation thing at the University they said! Tried another pub up the road, similar story.. then we got lucky at the Pear Tree, who were lovely to us and gave us food even though we were a bit late. Had a nice drink outside in the sun first.. discovering that the bottle of Weston's Organic Cider was in fact 3.3 units worth! Not good at lunchtime with an empty tummy! Wobbled indoors for a yummy pannini that I managed to finish. Think everyone really enjoyed their meal. Home for a cuppa! Mum had planned on Bucks Fizz, but everyone wanted tea! Alison left after a short while (sad) and after an even shorted while everyone else was asleep! So I uploaded Dad and Chalkie's photos. Sorted out my graduation and birthday pressie, when Chalkie was telling me about the place he bought his camera.. printed out details of the lens I would like.. this place in Norwich is sooo much cheaper than flippin Jessops!
Remembered University Challenge just in time (family had just left) but the Sky box had other ideas.. it did its throwing a fit thing on me.. turning itself off. Did a soft reset, and eventually my calmness was rewarded.. I'd only missed the introductions. I did quite well (9 or 10) but LU did better.. they won with over 200! Was so proud to be a Lufbra Grad today!! Its the most I've cared about Uni Challenge.. was worried when we went behind.. shouting come on! each time we got a starter question. Jennings was fab.. could sympathise when it was obvious the answer was in her head somewhere but just wouldn't let itself be found in time.
Food and skype and photos.. then sleep. Luckily more than the previous night.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Day 9
Awake so early I'd just about managed to fall asleep again by the time the alarm went off! Car boot.. got a cool toy.. the Meccano bike.. its the one I almost bought in Hamley's a few years ago but it was 20 odd quid and I really wanted Lego.. got it today for.. wait for it... 50p!!!
Home and a bit of tidying, although not much, but did reframe my signed George record. Then made 'healthy carrot cake'. Was still faffing with that when Karen came over.. seemingly to question my baking skills, and the term healthy. Family arrived just as cake was going in the oven. Did the usual cuppa, gave them each their pressies. Mum played in the garden while Trev showed off his toy (new Lumix camera) and we started making my toy. Popped onto campus to collect my robes .. was hilarious.. the woman was checking I had everything.. so I said yeah stupid floppy hat is there.. she said 'actually its a bonnet!!' Glad Pops wasn't there or we'd have wet ourselves. Then they noticed there was no string on my bonnet, so this old guy says 'no problem, follow me sir'.. at which the woman says 'er, its a lady'. He apologised profusely.. honestly, I don't know how he couldn't tell... in my baggy jeans and Batman t shirt lol! Laughed in the foyer when I told the guys. Went for a drive round campus.. reminiscing about the first drop off in Elvyn.. how sad I looked as they drove away etc etc.
Much fun back at home finding 'smart' clothes and trying on the gown. Mum about wet herself when I tried on my bonnet!!
INSERT PHOTOS.
Then we played Pass the Bomb and Scattergories before going to the Mugal for the Sunday night buffet! Coffee and SPiderman Uno back home before bed. Praying tomorrow never comes.
Home and a bit of tidying, although not much, but did reframe my signed George record. Then made 'healthy carrot cake'. Was still faffing with that when Karen came over.. seemingly to question my baking skills, and the term healthy. Family arrived just as cake was going in the oven. Did the usual cuppa, gave them each their pressies. Mum played in the garden while Trev showed off his toy (new Lumix camera) and we started making my toy. Popped onto campus to collect my robes .. was hilarious.. the woman was checking I had everything.. so I said yeah stupid floppy hat is there.. she said 'actually its a bonnet!!' Glad Pops wasn't there or we'd have wet ourselves. Then they noticed there was no string on my bonnet, so this old guy says 'no problem, follow me sir'.. at which the woman says 'er, its a lady'. He apologised profusely.. honestly, I don't know how he couldn't tell... in my baggy jeans and Batman t shirt lol! Laughed in the foyer when I told the guys. Went for a drive round campus.. reminiscing about the first drop off in Elvyn.. how sad I looked as they drove away etc etc.
Much fun back at home finding 'smart' clothes and trying on the gown. Mum about wet herself when I tried on my bonnet!!
INSERT PHOTOS.
Then we played Pass the Bomb and Scattergories before going to the Mugal for the Sunday night buffet! Coffee and SPiderman Uno back home before bed. Praying tomorrow never comes.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Day 8
Awake.. always goes downhill from there. Got shreddies and squash and went back to bed. Edited some video for the Golf Masterclass. Tim came by with a gift, which was nice of him but I wish he hadn't as I would rather not graduate or have a birthday. Run.. was really good. Did a whole hour watching HP Chamber of Secrets, so that's me up to 14km, and I didn't die at the end, and I didn't feel rubbish afterwards either. More cereal and a nap watching Rugrats. Woken up by Ma phoning. Cut the grass, had more food (pasta leftovers) then a shower. Had another tears attack so curled up in the spare room upstairs with the 'when your rope breaks' book. No idea how long I slept for, but I think two naps in one day is shameful! Shopping list for baking and printer, then outrage in Tesco at the fact that it cost thirty bloomin quid to replace my cartridges!!! (Insert anti HP rant here!)
Felt better when I got some lovely prints done with no fuss.. some for cards and frames, and some special ones where I worked out how to stitch photos together, to get 4 little pictures on a normal 4x6 print. Was feeling guilty about not having got round to putting pictures in the magnet frames Rach had bought me... but she had hers up on her fridge.. and I asked "do you know these children?" felt less bad that she had the same problem as me.
INSERT STITCH PHOTO??????
Made some rice krispie squares.. well more like very sticky marshmallow lump. Then wii fit while tea cooking (lazy pizza option). Watched Iron Man. Was good. Guinness must slow down by brain, there was at least a 2 second gap between the funniest bit and me doing aspie laugh (where he is testing the boots at 10% power in case you're wondering). Decided against the original plan of doing some lego video, came upstairs instead to do more HP to MP3ing and to finish the mini photos. Could well be time for bed now.
Felt better when I got some lovely prints done with no fuss.. some for cards and frames, and some special ones where I worked out how to stitch photos together, to get 4 little pictures on a normal 4x6 print. Was feeling guilty about not having got round to putting pictures in the magnet frames Rach had bought me... but she had hers up on her fridge.. and I asked "do you know these children?" felt less bad that she had the same problem as me.
INSERT STITCH PHOTO??????
Made some rice krispie squares.. well more like very sticky marshmallow lump. Then wii fit while tea cooking (lazy pizza option). Watched Iron Man. Was good. Guinness must slow down by brain, there was at least a 2 second gap between the funniest bit and me doing aspie laugh (where he is testing the boots at 10% power in case you're wondering). Decided against the original plan of doing some lego video, came upstairs instead to do more HP to MP3ing and to finish the mini photos. Could well be time for bed now.
Day 7
Awake most of the night.. HP on ipod helps. Glad was already awake for thunderstorm as was quite loud and scary! Up for run.. did 1500m in 5:38 (thats 6 minute mile-ing), breakfast watching 80s videos on VH1 hehe. Working with Luke this morning.. he has an amazing ability to get rice krispies absolutely everywhere.. he says this is a skill he has perfected over many years practice!!! watched Will and Grace then Star Trek while putting his stickers into his HP album. Then went into town and did the usual blockbusters trip. I blame him when I am fat and can't run.. he made me go in Greggs.. and now I know they do yummy looking donuts!
Straight from Luke's to Rach's. Was supposed to be babysitting Naomi, but Rach didn't have to work in the end. Naomi was a bit dopey when I got there.. struggling to wake up from her nap... a lot like her Auntie Harley then!!! watched some Peppa Pig, played with play doh, did some drawing, and dancing and Diego and Lego SW on the wii. Biiig thunderstorm while I was there.. left when it was merely raining rather than bucketing!
Wii fit. Then accounts. Then cooking pasta (more wii fit while cooking). Friends. Back onto PC trying to get it to print some photos. Limited success. Then down to the Uni in the rain to take photos of the Grad Ball fireworks. Unfortunately I was stood out there feeling like a complete idiot for about 40 mins.. only to see the world's shortest fireworks display. Oh well. Home now and chatting with Em on Skype. Sleep soon.
Worth it. Even if things didn't work out how I thought they might. Ok.. off to pray in the small hours..
Straight from Luke's to Rach's. Was supposed to be babysitting Naomi, but Rach didn't have to work in the end. Naomi was a bit dopey when I got there.. struggling to wake up from her nap... a lot like her Auntie Harley then!!! watched some Peppa Pig, played with play doh, did some drawing, and dancing and Diego and Lego SW on the wii. Biiig thunderstorm while I was there.. left when it was merely raining rather than bucketing!
Wii fit. Then accounts. Then cooking pasta (more wii fit while cooking). Friends. Back onto PC trying to get it to print some photos. Limited success. Then down to the Uni in the rain to take photos of the Grad Ball fireworks. Unfortunately I was stood out there feeling like a complete idiot for about 40 mins.. only to see the world's shortest fireworks display. Oh well. Home now and chatting with Em on Skype. Sleep soon.
Worth it. Even if things didn't work out how I thought they might. Ok.. off to pray in the small hours..
