Work avoiding again

Can't sleep so thought I would note down some ideas for my Aspie book. Something I think it is important to learn as an Aspie is how different our perspectives on relationships can be from NTs. I had a really good insight last night into just how insignificant and worthless we can be in other peoples lives. Obsession appears to be a tendancy with Aspies, but a better way of looking at it is that for an Aspie, someone with whom you can actually connect and get close to and share stuff with becomes someone who means the absolute world to you. The point of living can be to spend time with that person, or to communicate successfully with them. In the NT world however, things change. Where people are concerned this is something I really don't know how to deal with. They change their rules, and you are expected to change accordingly, and instantly, not to wonder why it has to change and why it can't stay the same if it seemed to work. When someone who meant the world to you suddenly changes, and can't explain to you what you have done wrong nothing makes sense. You can lose your reason to live, your reason to keep trying with people. What hurts the most though is when you see just how easily you are replaced in the other person's life, and you realise just how worthless and insignificant you are to them.

I don't know what my advice to other Aspies would be on this one. Wendy Lawson writes from a place where she is settled, she seems to have come through some of these issues and is now happy with a life partner and seems secure in the friends she does have. She is kind of peaceful and accepting of friendships that haven't worked out. I am not in that place. I am in the midst of an ongoing turmoil where I am torn between really wanting to have a close friend and to do everything I can to rescue the relationship that is going so wrong, and ceasing to trust anybody. It seems that my version of reality is so different to everybody elses. Maybe what they see as being friends is what I see as 'people who are there when they want something, but are not there for me when I really need someone to care'. There are an awful lot of people who know my name and I have no idea who they are. There are lots of people who get in touch with me, when a job needs doing. There is nobody who has not replaced me with someone or something else. Nobody who I can go to when I am in tears, who I don't have to pay for their time, or make an appointment to see them some time in advance. There used to be. But they have changed now.